Recently I spent rather a large chunk of time loitering around two or three aisles in particular at Walgreens, waiting for a very helpful clerk to determine whether or not a couple of old printer cartridges were salvageable (they weren't, alack!).
Twenty or twenty-five minutes of idle browsing later, I had come to a sobering realization... The end is near!! The Apocalypse awaits!! The countdown begins!!
Green Jello recently came to the same conclusion based on general cultural phenomenon (including Tattoo Barbie and Octomom) but my prophecy stems from several deceptively innocuous products available on the shelves of your local pharmacy. Namely:
Do you see that?? Not content with a sizable stake in the fast-food industry, Burger King has introduced a "Ketchup & Fries" line of potato chips. Let me say it again for those in the back. Burger King Ketchup & Fries poh-tay-toe ch-ips.
Personally, I take pride in my status as an enthusiastic french fries connoisseur (aka, TOTAL ADDICT). As proof, I offer this selection of "dipping sauces" provided by a local restaurant, Leon's Full Service. I have tried no less than seven of the twelve, and since I won't eat mayonnaise due to childhood neurosis, that more or less translates to having tried them all (I recommend the madras curry, as well as the goat cheese, if you ever happen to be in the Atl and attacked by the munchies). In any case, my status as a classy, contemplative consumer (/inhaler) of french fries is quite secure. I think in a large part my problem with this one stems from the mental image I have of a potato chip, dipped in ketchup, left out in the sun for a few days, and then passed off as somehow akin to a french fry. Like I said... *earth shakes*
And so on behalf of French Fry Connoisseurs, Burger King Lovers, and Potato Chip Munchers everywhere... I stand now to declare forthwith that combining the three is nothing less than insidious evil.
The second Sign-of-the-End-Times I encountered was this:
With beef??? Taco Bell Chili con Queso with Beef?? Just sitting there, on the shelf, for God knows how long?
*clouds thicken and lightening strikes*
I certainly understand that something was done to the meat, chemically or hermetically or whatever, that rendered it perfectly safe for consumption even following month after month of air-temperature, cheesy-goo-soaked existence. I also understand that this process, unless performed in the name of humanitarian missions to 3rd world countries, or in preparation for a six-month backpacking trek through the dessert, is utter blasphemy to all that is good, fresh, and natural in this world.
And so my friends, I have witnessed sure signs of the coming Apocalypse... and all I can say is that I wish they were rather more profound. The End is upon us, and it's name is Disgusting.
Disclaimer: I haven't tried any of these products, and I can't say that curiosity wouldn't motivate me to try the first if I ever had the opportunity... but the second I would eat only on pain of death. If you have tried either, I want to know your impressions! I was endlessly fascinated by both. :P
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